” Hey, have you ever been in love?” the reader asked with curiosity.
A thousand memories flashed in my head.
I smiled to him & lied ” No, never encountered it.”
He smiled ‘coz he sensed my lie.
Though being a writer, I was never a flashy one. I never craved for fame. I was just like a bird with no whereabouts. I wandered all over the world & try finding a new world around me. I succeeded in getting many stories. I failed when it came to love.
That happened 2 years ago when I lost it. It was a fine evening in Lansdowne. As usual I lit up my cigarette & started wondering about what to write next. I was walking down the streets lost inside my thoughts
I stumbled upon a lone foggy lane which was covered with subtle silence. My feet moved on their own
It wasn’t dark but the clouds covered it completely.. & from the corner of the road, she appeared.. Though the fog blocked my view I saw her.. That girl was sitting on the edge of the road. Humming melodiously.. That person was beautiful.. There are times when you can’t explain the beauty of certain moments.. This was one. I moved towards the edge & found no one.. Then it struck me, Ghost?!! Holy shit! I was taken aback though I couldn’t resist to move away. I ran deep into the lane.. The fog moved away though it revealed nothing.. I walked back pondering over what just happened.
Still I couldn’t think of a story plot. I returned to my room wasting a whole day. I wished to watch her again. Well to meet her second time would be hypothetical. So I brushed off the idea.
The next day I went to the sunrise point hoping something will come to my mind soon. I saw couples, families & friendzoned photographers around. Everyone was waiting for sunrise while I was sitting on a rock away from the mob.
“Thinking about something?” a female voice startled me. She was the same girl from before.
“Tell me your name.”
“Shreya, I was thinking about you.” I winked.
“Was the first impression that good?”
“Probably. You even haunted me at night.”
“I’ve read your stories. You write nice.”
“Oh. So a fan haunted me.”
“Haha “ *you are damn pretty. Can I see your smile?* replied while I ignored my thoughts.
“The sun is about to rise.”
I almost forgot. The sun shone over her face & I couldn’t remove my eyes from her. Her skin outshined the sunrise. I was mesmerized
After the sunrise the mob began to move from the spot.
*at the cafe*
“What were you doing there? How did you disappear?”
“It was a lonely lane, don’t you like lone lanes? I didn’t disappear, I thought you were a drunk with not so good intentions so I ran away” she smirked. I remembered, I hadn’t shaved my beard in months.
“Hahaha… Not so good, eh?”
“You look like a hippi”
I laughed and she joined me.
“So, What were you thinking on that rock?”
“About a happy ending for a story.”
“If you have the time to fantasize about happy endings, why not live beautifully till the end”
I was taken aback “That was good. You are a writer too?”
“No no. I read it somewhere.”
Her smile gave me a sense of reliance. I was happy. The friendship started from her smile & before I knew I developed a crush. She never noticed. I felt dumb, dumbest anyone can imagine. If ever you develop a crush over a close friend believe me it’s dumb, you will feel your heart’s stupidity crossing its limits yet you will be happy. I was in such a mess.
I thought it’s fine having a crush though it led to nowhere.
“Stop calling me that.”
“Hehe 😀 , Listen I’m gonna tell you something”
“Yea go on.” I was optimistic this time.
“I like someone & he likes me too.”
*Doomed* “Oh. Great news. Party!”
“Ok fine. I’ll throw off a party”
“Let’s meet around 9”
I didn’t know how to react. I was blank. Numbness flew over my head & an urge to write something came instantaneously. I wrote, rewrote & wrote nothing. I dropped a message “Be mine”
I immediately regretted sending it. Not to make situation worse, I slept. I desperately waited for 9 O’ clock.
“You look beautiful”
“So it’s your party, get me some nice beer” I tried to act perfectly normal & my performance was great too.
“Before that, what’s this?” she showed me the message. Her voice stiffened. *oh fuck* “It’s a message” I replied calmly.
“Stop & say it.” Her eyes nearly pierced mine.
I felt if she’s talking with her eyes more.
“I know you like me. Say it”
“I can’t. I’m Sorry.”
“Why can’t you?”
“You like someone else, I cant just say it. I know you will reject me & it will ruin our friendship.”
“Maybe I won’t. Try it”
“Hahahaha 😀 It was a joke 😀 ” I tried to hide the real reason & brushed it off.
“Really? You asshole. Don’t play such jokes with me again!” She relaxed a bit.
*sigh* Empty heartedly I smiled through the situation.
“Complete your treat.”
After she left I kept thinking why did I let her go & why couldn’t I tell her the truth. Maybe she would reject me. Maybe she would be angry. Maybe we won’t be friends anymore. Maybe we weren’t meant to be together. I watched her leave. I was so dumb. I couldn’t say it. I left Lansdowne next day & told her I completed my story. In real, I couldn’t live there anymore.
That “maybe” became the base of my solitude & reasons for writing. I conceal everything yet squander it through my works.
“Sir? You alright” the reader asked.
“Umm.. yes, Perfectly alright.” I replied coming back to my senses.
“I’ll wait for your next work sir.” He smiled & left.
The quotation of Charles Bokowski rang in my head “Writers are desperate people, when they stop being desperate, they stop being writers”
Like always I smiled too.
~The Anonymous in me