“No, not yet!”
“The heart rate monitors are still same. Nothing positive”
“Is he dead, Doctor?”
“C’mon Vinay, you can’t die just now”
“Doc, He’s breathing! He’s breathing!”
“Good gracious”
“His heart rate is increasing”
“Well done Doc”

I was lying there, still. Almost lifeless. The flashes of memories blurred my vision. Then it hit me. I was riding towards home when a SUV hit me. The memories after contained blurry images of blood, Shreya, Mom & the hospital. My body was covered with straps & bandages though I barely felt the pain, morphine did its work perfectly. I tried to remember everything but couldn’t so I chose sleep over it.
The next morning I woke up with the most precious gift life gave me. My mom. She was sleeping like a baby. I could see traces of tears on her cheeks. I felt horrible. The next person I thought of was Shreya. My mother had a habit of calling Shreya for anything related to me. Shreya had been my closest frnd from last 4 years. My mom knew her well too. According to her, Shreya was the perfect wifey material. But I knew she was way out of my league.

It had been the same always, 4 years & I was still the coward.
In the morning, I was welcomed by a tight hug by mom, a headbutt by brother, medicines by doctor & a kick by Shreya. It was a bothersome morning since everyone asked about the accident. My mother asked Shreya to take care of me & left for the household chores. Shreya had the opportunity to tease me. She took pictures of my helpless state.
“Your girlfriend will love this”
“Yes, my imaginary girlfriend will. “
“Hahaha. You are such a jerk.”
“Yup, even I can’t confess my love to my imaginary girlfriend.”
“Hahaha. Assume that I’m your brother, tell me why don’t you confess your love bro?”
“You will be a pathetic brother”
“Arrey just give it a try, Say whatever you want to”

” All right, Dude.. I’m going mad. I find myself wondering about her smile day & night. I’m a goner. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m desperate, sad & happy. Either I’m gonna break my own heart by hiding the fact that I love her, or she is gonna break mine when I’ll tell I love her.”

Her expression changed. She was now serious. “Why are you so scared? You are a coward”

“Tell me something, Will you afford to lose someone by telling her the truth? Or rather you’ll choose to hide it?”

She was looking directly into my eyes. Oh God! Her beautiful big black eyes!
“Whatever may be the reason, I won’t become a coward. And you are somewhat right. Who would in their right minds will fall for you! Hahahaha” she broke into laughter.

I smiled” Yes it’s very true. Afterall I’m not good at anything. I can’t sing dance or play any instrument. My football skills are bad. I’m an average student with no skills at all. I’m just another guy who isn’t anyone’s priority or first choice”
She became furious “Can’t you ever talk positive?”
“It’s just the truth”
“Truth my ass! You are always like this. A fucking pessimist! You don’t know what’s good in you”
“As if there is.”
“Why Vinay? Why are you like this? A desperate asshole!”
I lowered my voice. “I ain’t desperate, neither sad nor happy. I can smile & laugh everyday. But sometimes at nights when I’m alone, I forget how to feel.”
“Hey” She leaned forward & kissed me. It was my first kiss. Her lips felt like rose petals, her breath was like warmth of a quilt in winter. That one moment was filled with bliss, love & ecstasy.  It was my euphoria. It left me speechless.

You wanted to feel, right? How did that feel? You think you aren’t good at anything? You jerk. I’ve hated you so long now that I’m in love with you now. Let me tell you, you are not an average. You are a quintessential guy. Who cares if u can’t sing or do shit. You’ve sung for me. You’ve danced crazy with me. You are passionate about football. You are the only fucking guy who can make me smile through any situation. You are a fucking priority! You dumbass, I fucking love you & your stupid melancholic shit can’t change it.

I was stunned. More stunned than that sudden kiss. “Ummm.. Shreya… I love you too & I’ve never heard so many slangs from your mouth before.” I chuckled
She smiled & hugged me.
“I’m glad I had an accident” we both laughed hard.
She told me she had already known about my feelings a long time ago. I was so dumb so scared to ask her out. This life ain’t that bad. I thought everything will end in a reverie but somehow it’s different this time.

The doc came in “So Mr. Vinay, feeling lively?”
Yes Doc. Alive like never before.


~The Anonymous in me


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