“Welcome to the second session, Rein. Sit.”
“Hello doctor, It’s nice to see you again.”
” It is?”
” Yes truly. I see you have removed the pills from their usual position and all the books are in the cupboard. Nice arrangement doctor, if I had to deduce something, it would get us the answer we already know; you are hiding, keeping yourself so that I cannot get a read on you. This is the reason it’s nice to meet you, I like the glint of paranoia in eyes.” He grinned and what a remarkable deduction he made. Yes I hid my possessions just to ensure I wasn’t the one being read. I like this guy.
“Haha, you might be right.”
He smiled “Seems you are enjoying this.”
“Oh yes I am. Though I’m curious, why did you name yourself Rein?”
“That’s very simple.
Rein means an instrument used for restraining. Rein rhymes with Reign and I like the sound of rein.”
“So you resemble an instrument? something of binding capabilities?”
“Yes, I keep the darkness inside, the shadows covered and the demons asleep.”
“What kind of darkness?”
“The one that yields reality.”
” Don’t play with words. Look out the window, there’s light and that’s reality too.”
“Do you think so? Let’s see.” He stood up and walked towards the window signalling me to join in.
“What you look down there, is the crowd. The heads each turning and running into it’s own direction, it’s own path or so as it seems. Do you notice something? See the pattern they all follow?”
I did. All the people all the heads just kept walking, running in the street, just new heads but same pattern.
“That’s reality, Rein. People need to work and they all love their work too.”
“Careful doctor, there’s an emotion right in the sentence. A powerful one too. People have to work and this cycle of study-work-family-death is vile. Tell me, does it feel real?”
The smoke escaped from his mouth like a sigh and the answer to his question was unknown to me. I wonder if he’s right. I wondered if I’m one of that pattern. My patient just put me in a dilemma, an existential crisis. I chuckled at the irony.
“What is reality according to you then?” he grinned, walked upto another window. I followed him.
“See the back alley, the people smoking crack, painting graffitis, teens on a skateboard, all this is reality; away from the vile circle. ” He sat down and started doodling on the yellow pages.
“If darkness yields reality, why do you keep it inside?”
” Because all the world cares about is your success rate in the circle.”
“And do you care about the world?”
” I do and so I write.”
“What do you write about?”
“Kid you give me a real philosophical vibe.”
“No shit.” He laughed.
After a hard day of retrospective sessions I headed home. To my kids; my world.
“Dinner is ready!”
“Yeah coming. ”
I captured that dinner table moment of my family and realized how Rein has been wrong about the pattern. I realized how Rein does not have an anchor to keep him sane, a sink. I looked at that doodle he made today. It resembled a group, without a face.
“Are you daydreaming?”
“Haha, no I was just wondering”
“I just put kids to sleep, let me grab my thinking beer.” I remembered how this woman is perfect in many ways.
“So this kid how old is he?”
“He’s 20. He sounds like a madman with really good satires. ”
“Hahaha, find him some peace.” She stood up and kissed me,”More beer?”
“Whoa, Rein! What time is it?” fuck it’s 3am!
“Doc! I just… I-”
“Deep breaths buddy, deep breaths. Now speak.”
“I think I heard a knock!”
“Yes from the Red door!!”
“Doctor, I heard a knock from the inside!“